.Celebrate. AHCA. The horsemen of death.

Isn’t it fucked that today I am glad I never reported any of the sexual assault I been through?

Aren’t I glad that a shitty white doctor thought when I was ten years old I was “faking,” my neurological disorders and never diagnosed me properly.

Ain’t I glad that Women of Color like me have attitudes and never depression, ptsd, or anxiety.

OH BUT WAIT I won’t qualify for coverage because I had a parent who physically abused me my whole childhood, and since it is court documented and counts as a “prior condition” no healthcare for me. Or my teenage sisters. Because somebody decided that trauma survivors and beaten children don’t deserve help. I am livid.

Beautiful Darkness: A Review

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If you are anything like me and enjoy having your feelings hurt read this. A tale of fairly Lilliputian proportions, we peek into the grotesque under growth of a forest. In this forest childlike creatures who originate from the body of a dead child, enter the world completely unaware of the consequences of their actions. Honestly this would have been less disturbing had the characters been animals, as I understand the circle of life, but the plot so revolves around making us confront nature. And all of the effects of general naivete, and rapid decomposition. Disclaimer, I am by no means of weak constitution and even I was off put by this, thus the rating, excellent storytelling. Maybe not a story you want to see..

Beauty: A Review

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Kerascoet manages to take all the concepts we hold dear and show us how beautifully macabre and dangerous they can be. beauty is the story of an ugly little girl and her fae friend who seeks to help her. Under the glamour put on the girl she maintains the appearance of the most beautiful woman ever to be seen. Leading to her eventual removal from poverty, marriage to a prince, and then horrifying downfall. All’s fair in love and war, but never trust a faerie. In the end of this book we are briefly and humorously reminded that beauty is a standard set and demanded by a culture, not an actually quantifiable trait. Don’t be fooled by the pretty pastel colors and opulent illustrations, this tale is very Hans Christen Andersen/ Brothers Grimm in it’s lessons a resolutions, so take care

The Thing About Cultural Appropriation

Now listen I get that some many of you are tired of hearing about this, but let me be honest. It is still happening and being falsely justified so I will keep talking about it. Now that, that is out is out of the way here it is:

CULTURE HAS CONTEXT, the reason that is bolded is because it is important to understand for the following. When you take a practice from another culture and mold it to your own use you remove it of it’s context and therefore its actual sacredness. Corrupting the reason the tradition/object/practice exists. Making the theft not only immoral but also illogical.

Now a common rebuttal is that “WELL I APPRECIATE YOUR CULTURE!” again it is cool to have interests and read up and understand cultures outside of your own. However, if your are told that what you are doing is appropriative and racist, and your answer is the above you clearly don’t actually appreciate anything. It is nothing about your appreciation, it is about your ego. Someone who really appreciates knows when to stay in their lane. I appreciate oil paintings, I don’t go to Art Museums and mishandle and possible damaged the pieces within, there are docents, curators, and art restorers, they know what they are doing, can answer my questions, and also preserve art. Much like practitioners of closed cultures. This doubly offensive because many of us spend years, relearning cultures stolen from us, traditions that have be forcibly removed, ancestral traditions of people who suffered terrible things. The context of that history really matter. Also, please to be as self righteous as to think that people of color really need your help to preserve our culture, that a whole other issue really, but stop with the savior nonsense. For those of you who continue to appropriate after being confronted it’s about your ego, about wanting something for the title the person gratification. And that is fucking disgusting it honestly is. Actually appreciating something means that if you misuse or appropriate something you apologize, step back, and learn. So as to not damage the culture you appreciate, take a place that you haven’t earned and don’t deserve.

Another common rebuttal is “BUT IT’S BEEN USED AS FASHION/ ISSA TRADITION,” that means literally nothing guys. Just because something has happened in the past and been considered okay doesn’t mean anything, mostly because POC have only recently had the right to even speak up about offensive things. Being forced into silence for hundreds of years in order to survive does not make previous appropriation okay. I am sorry but your crappy war bonnets for fashion and sports ball aren’t traditions they are bastardizations of actual thousand year old traditions. Make up your own stuff stop stealing ours. This clever tactic of taking from other cultures and then stripping them of their sacredness is a literal symptom of oppression. You reduce, barbarism, and mock a culture long enough, and you stop taking the people who are a part of it seriously. Their humanity is reduced and after being constantly dehumanized, that is when violence against minorities populations  becomes acceptable. Let People of Color be PEOPLE.

Stop making bullshit excuses for your harmful shitty behavior, none of the excuses you make for appropriation make any logical sense. Removing the context makes no spiritual sense, as without the context the sacredness is gone. Get over your ego, stop stealing things that don’t belong to you. Grow up.

Accountability????? Culture.

This comes as a reflection of my past year of experiences, culminating into one facebook comment…..

“I think the recent influx of “accountability culture” especially when it comes to rapists and physical abusers, has simply become a way to prioritize the abuser, our own selfish need to think everyone we associate with is good and by proxy ourselves. Thus still reinforcing misogyny and rape culture, but painting it with pastel colors”

I meant what I said too. I think and have witnessed, that accountability does not actually lead to anything, someone apologizes in public, is briefly embarrassed and then gets to carry on with their lives. Often times just to repeat offenses. They are rarely obligated to leave the scene, never have to negotiate terms with their victims, and basically get to feel “healed.”

As someone who is a survivor of various abuses one of which is rape, I know that this falsified sense of forgiveness is of no comfort. Those of us in the DIY scene who have survived being sexually assaulted never ever feel safe again in spaces where rapists are forgiven and thus prioritized.

Now, I strongly believe in transformative justice over the prison, however we need to prioritize the needs of those who, having already fled to the DIY scene are again pushed into the margins and left unsafe. So if a rapist apologizes good, but don’t be so happy to self soothe yourself and allow them right back into home and hearth until you have addressed the needs of the survivor. The whole truth is, sometimes people we like are rapists, and sometimes people we don’t like are raped. And it is still never the survivors fault. Creating a magically loop-hole so that your problematic friends can escape the consequences of their actions isn’t “alternative,” “transformative,” or “punk”. It’s bullshit.

 

 

Junior Year of College Almost Broke Me (a series of haikus)

Like Lotus flower

The best of us rise from mud

Darks root, bright futures

 

So many craft plans

Amazon delivers all

Never leaving home

 

December monsoon

I have always been a fan

Of rain, over snow

 

Family party

There is some blood on the floor

But its not over…

 

nothing left to write

I should use the longest night

maybe, to sleep some

 

Fight me physically.

I just don’t care anymore

Internal screaming.

 

Metaphysical

Poets, you draw my ire

Please fuck off Melvin (haikus pt 2)

 

We all know that most

Of your trite conceits are on

Your grumpy loves

 

Rambler number four

Is the best thing that happened

To English writers

 

I have yet to drown

Like those puppies of London

But I would like to.

 

No Pope I don’t think

About my place with God oft’

Wine would be nice though.

 

I have been singing

About grammar diagrams

To the cats. Kill me

 

And so this is it

I’m going to die here like this

With Part B of the Norton English Anthology being used as lumbar support

 

you are an adult

when your greatest joy in weeks

is new underwear

 

You’ve become cliche

and what could you really gain

if you are the (best?)